Open Arms

I called my husband and said "Honey, I am bringing a baby home".  His response?  Okay.  He had all of about 30 minutes notice, and because he is such an awesome husband and father, that was enough.  Although in the past there had been some conversation about watching a friends grandbaby, that never happened.  And we hadn't discussed anything since about the baby.  It was a spur of the moment ordeal. 

I am not going to go into detail as to why the baby needed a caretaker, yet work through my emotions from this process.  I knowingly and willingly agreed to watch this little guy despite the hardship I would endure. I knew my heart would feel pain, regardless of what happened. 

Liam came home with me from work and stayed with us for a week and 2 days.   He traveled to Iowa for Christmas celebrations and a wedding; he was with us Christmas morning and had a stocking that Santa filled.  He is pure joy.  Liam is 2 months old and a super sweet baby.  When he came home with us, there was hope that we could adopt him.  Most people don't understand why we would want to adopt when we can have our own children.  Especially since this little guy has predisposed issues that may evolve later in his life.  Well, its complicated, yet simple.  We welcome him with open arms to a loving, warm, stable home.  Even if you have your own children, there are not guarantees.  Alfredo and I had been contemplating whether or not to have another baby and God has given us this opportunity to look within ourselves and follow his lead.  I must admit, I was not use to a baby any more.  We weren't very prepared.  He took a bath in a roaster pan the first night because I didn't have a baby bathtub.  We made it work for us.  In retrospect, we don't need all of that baby crap that we once thought was necessary. 

We treated him like he was our own and the girls did as well.  Mya drew a picture of all of us, including Liam.  Kaiden wanted to keep him and asked to hold him often. He was immediately a part of our family.  And even though it wasn't planned, and we didn't have 9 months to prepare, it worked.  It made me feel like my family was complete.  My house was full of kids, a big family that was always a dream.  He didn't have much when he came though. I am lucky enough to have Whit and Miss who both have boys and were able to donate some clothing and blankets.  Miss even got to watch him for a couple of hours one day, which was super helpful.  He just fit. 

But, Liam doesn't get to stay with us.  His grandmother is going to try and take care of him.  Although Alfredo and I were both preparing ourselves for this moment, it hurt.  It is so hard not to get attached, and I kept telling myself that even if we didn't keep him forever, we made a great big impact on his life.  I should have weighed him, because in the short time we had him, I could almost guarantee he doubled his weight. Well maybe not literally, but he looked like it!  He was malnourished when he came into our lives, and now he has chubby cheeks and a double chin.  Alfredo said he felt like a girlfriend just broke up with him.  He didn't know what to do.  Our house was full of baby stuff again, now it's all gone.  My mind was full of worry about his cough, now it's someone else that is taking care of it.  My nights were spent up every two hours, now I will sleep all night again.  Sounds like we should be happy that we went back to simple living.  But instead, sadness fills my heart.  I can't keep him safe and make sure his needs are met.  I am helpless.  I just have to trust in God that he has a plan for Liam, and for us.  Do I regret watching him and letting myself get attached? No. Absolutely not.  This little guy taught us so much about ourselves and life.  He has already had a harder life that we could ever imagine.  If we were given the chance to adopt him after all of this would we? Yes.  It wouldn't be easy but it is worth it. He is worth it. 

I guess in the end, we all learned something.  We learned that we are capable of having another child, whether it be biologically ours or not.  We learned that our children are, without a doubt, the most caring and welcoming kids around.  We learned that no matter how hard you try to protect your heart, it will get hurt.  But that is okay.  It is okay to feel sad and cry about the situation, in which I have.  I don't think at this point Alfredo and I have any clearer path as to what we will do next.  We will ask to watch Liam from time to time just to spoil him.  We love him no matter what home he is in, unconditionally.  Everything happens for a reason, I am a firm believer in that.  I just don't know what the future holds but I am optimistic that it will be positive.